"Love is all you need"

Sorry to leave you all in the dark.  I left that one little line to get the word out a week ago and never looked back. 

Kris and I are actually handling all of this amazingly well.  We are stronger now individually than we ever thought we would be, but more importantly, our marriage is better than ever.  We had our weak moment after the first cycle was cancelled, but it turns out that was the challenge we needed to overcome to unite us.

After we got word our cycle was cancelled, I just needed a day (Thursday) to myself.  I didn’t talk to anyone.  I barely spoke to Kris until he got home that night-somehow he just knew I needed some alone time.  I spent the day cleaning and thinking of anything other than our situation.  If you know me, then you know I like to clean as my stress reliever.  And of course a little shopping never hurt anyone!  To me, there’s little better than a sparkly clean house with all the candles burning…

We didn’t actually sit down and talk about how we were feeling until Friday night.  We both needed time to absorb.  That night, we had a wonderful dinner and an even better evening at home when Kris turned our house into a wine bar-swanky music and all!  And over a nice bottle of Pinot Gris, we poured our hearts out to each other…

I’ve learned very quickly in this process that I should listen to my gut-my very first instinct.  A friend recently told me that your gut instinct is Gods way of talking to you.  And maybe she’s right!  It just so happens, Kris’ gut is giving him the same feeling.

And that is…

Maybe we are rushing this.  Maybe this isn’t the right time for us to have a biological child.  Individually, we both have severe problems to prevent us from having a baby naturally, but are they really that severe that it could NEVER happen?  We don’t believe so. 

Kris and I aren’t making any decisions on how to move forward until we talk to Dr. Dunn on Monday, but we do know that we don’t have many more IVF cycles in us.  Emotionally, physically and financially, IVF is draining.  Our life seems to be hanging in the balances of IVF and it’s getting old.  Six months of, “can I drink this?” or “can I go to hot yoga today” or “can we leave for vacation right now” is really starting to wear on us.

We want a baby to love unconditionally more than anything and to us; it doesn’t matter if that baby has our DNA.  I’m not saying we are giving up on a biologically child forever, but recently our hearts have really been open to the idea of adoption.  Back when Kris and I were dating, we talked about adoption one day in addition to our biological children and we liked the idea.  Maybe now we will just have adopted children and maybe one day a surprise biological child!  Either way, they are ours to raise and love will all that we are and that’s all that matters.  In the end, “love is all you need”.