A new season, a new emotion

Our anniversary officially marked one year of baby making. It’s been an exciting year, but also one of trying emotions. With each new season, grew a new emotion.  Here is a look at the last year of our life.

In the Fall of 2009, more specifically September, we were excited and eager start a family.  Work was going well for both of us and Kris and I were looking forward to beginning the next chapter.  However, over the next month my anticipation of a baby was overshadowed by my stress level at work.  I had a boss that was no support system; a boss who simply delegated while he talked on the phone and surfed the internet.  He had two assistants who essentially ran the office, and I was one of them.  Our office was the highest volume office in the whole company, but was so unorganized it was bound to blow up at any second.  Well, it seems as though his time was up a couple of months ago and he was fired for just that, as well as his very long track record for treating his employees unfairly (really like dirt!).  I digress…Back to where Kris and I were emotionally.  In October and November, we teetered back and forth on whether or not I should move on from Stage where I could be happy again.  Our thought process was to remove stress from our lives as much as possible.  It had been a few months since we started trying and both Kris and I lead very stressful lives at work.  We knew this was not helping our situation, so I put my two week notice in around Thanksgiving and shocked my whole division.  Everyone was saddened by my news, but very supportive and never blamed me for leaving.  So on December 11^th, I walked out of the Stage Store doors for the last time, with my new found freedom in tote and never looked back.

This brings us to the Spring of 2010; the season of frustration.  Month after month went by and still no baby.  I watched my friends have a baby or get pregnant and as time went on and as happy as I was for each of them, watching and experiencing those moments, only got harder.  The Spring was really a stagnant season for us in the baby making department.  In April, I made the decision to see my OB/GYN just to make sure there weren’t any problems that we were not aware of.  A month went by and finally my appointment day arrived.  One blood test later and my doctor had deduced that I was not ovulating every month and prescribed me three rounds of Clomid.  Finally, after many enduring months, we have an answer (or so we thought)!

Now, it’s the summer in Texas and I’m hopeful, but hormonal.  See how time flies when your life revolves around your cycle? In June, I started my first round of Clomid, our magic pill, and my symptoms weren’t so bad. I experienced slight mood changes, hot flashes, headaches, fatigue and pain in my ovaries.  Then came July and I was at the same 50mg dosage, but my body knew what to expect this month, so those symptoms from the month prior were even stronger.  In both June and July my body did what the meds told it to and I did ovulate, but for a reason yet to be known, I wasn’t getting pregnant.  So I began my final round of Clomid, now at 100mg.  Those headaches I mentioned before turned into migraines, the fatigue became pure exhaustion and my abdomen swollen and sore, but I would endure any pain for the sake of our baby.  In August, my best friend who haunts me every month arrived and I had to make the call to the doctor that Clomid failed to work.  Her nurse called back to tell me they could no longer help us and that we needed to see a fertility doctor.  I hung up the phone and because I was hormonal, the tears started flowing.  I spent the next week or so researching doctors and through our insurance, I found the man that will help make our dream come true.

Here we are now in the Fall of 2010.  So far this season we have felt sad, helpless and disappointed, but that’s all about to change. I’m struggling right now, but I will find the courage to be optimistic and hopeful once again. On our first anniversary, we made the decision to start a family and on our second anniversary, coincidently we had our first meeting with Dr. Dunn our fertility doctor.  As for our third anniversary, well, we think it would only be fitting to welcome our miracle baby into this world. Now wouldn’t that be special?