WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!

And NO we are not pregnant.

But we are expecting…

We are expecting to ADOPT!

On Friday, June 10^th Kris and I received the best news we have heard in a long while.  We were accepted into the Agency Assisted Program at The Gladney Center for Adoption.  A week later, we drove to Fort Worth to attend their orientation and at that moment we knew we found the perfect agency for us.  Kris and I were continually amazed at each and every presentation, from meeting birthmothers to meeting adoptive parents and each service that was mentioned in between.  Gladney truly wants the best for the birthmothers, adoptees and adoptive parents every step of the process and even long after the adoption has been finalized.  We feel blessed and overjoyed to now be part of the Gladney Family.

Kris and I are at peace with our decision and more passionate about creating our family through adoption than we’ve been about anything else in our lives.  We’ve experienced many setbacks and enough heartache to last a lifetime during our fertility journey, but that’s all behind us now and we are looking forward to a fresh start.

This experience has made me a better person.  It has made us better people.  And as I’ve said before, our marriage and our bond is stronger and deeper than ever.  Our infertility has been a long tiring road, but we have overcome such great obstacles together and in the end we are walking away with a gift.  Our infertility has been a gift to a better life.

Today, you will find Kris and I smiling from ear-to-ear, eager for that one miraculous day when we finally bring our perfect child home.  We aren’t in denial, we know the path to bringing our child home will not be easy, but we know without a shadow of a doubt, that when it’s all over, we will bring home the child that was always meant for our family.  

Inspired by Words

Growing up, when times got a little tough or if I needed a little inspiration, I always looked to quotes for the answer.  When I was in High School, I made a quote book full of all of my favorite quotes.  Yesterday, when I was cleaning out the guest bedroom for our remodel, I actually found it.  I loved reading the quotes I treasured so much at the time and remembering the person I was and the person I wanted to become, over 10 years ago. 
 

My great-grandmother, Meme also had a quote book that I found at Granny’s house many moons ago.  Granny let me have it and to this day, it’s my favorite book.  It is a very old (vintage these days) beautiful leather bound book full of quotes organized in chapters by subject.  I would love nothing more than to display it in my home, because it means so much to me, but I can’t seem to find it...  I’m sure I will locate it one of these days when I need the encouragement most.

For now, I leave you with a quote that has inspired me to enjoy every single day I’m given in this beautiful life.  Kris and are healing from our past infertility upsets and we are overjoyed about the decision we have made for our future.  However, we have to remember to cherish each day in between and not wish our life away as we wait for our miracle to arrive.

 “Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone.  Don’t stress about the future, it hasn’t arrived.  Live in the present and make it beautiful.”

Happy Birthday Oskar!

My birthday boy!



Oskar is six today and I can’t believe how quickly the years are passing.  If I really start to think about it, I have to stop because my eyes swell up with tears.  I just can’t imagine life without my Oskar in it.

He’s a special dog and he knows it.

Oskar is human and he’s not afraid to show you.  He’s been there for his mommy and daddy during some tough times and he helped us pull through them with smiles on our faces.

Like the time when Kris moved back to Houston to start his job at Credit Suisse and it was just Oskar and I left in Austin to finish up my internship.  There were some pretty lonely nights but Oskar made sure I was always laughing.  He helped me paint daddy pictures by smelling the canvas and getting paint all over his cute little face or better yet walking on top of the canvas!  He absolutely hated when I was studying and would make sure and lay right on top of my book so I had to play with him.  And who could resist his puppy face!  Oh and let’s not forget the time I brought him to the pool and he took interest in a friend’s beer.  Just as Eric went to pick up his beer from the side of the pool, Oskar went to smell it and opps; he fell in the scorching hot tub.  This momma was scared!

Oskar as a puppy. Adorable, right?

Oskar has also been a great source of support during our fertility journey.  When I was sick, he never left my side.  Ever.  When I was sad, he would kiss my tears away.  And every time Kris gave me a shot he was right there to make sure I was okay.  I told you he was special.

Oskar has been with us during all of our milestones as well - college graduation, the purchase of our first home, our engagement, our wedding and our decision to make him a brother someday.  He was our first dog together and because of that, he will always hold a special place in our hearts even long after he’s gone (again tears).

Oskar has lived in five different places, traveled many a road trip with us and we’ve toted him around just about anywhere you can get away with it.  He’s a resilient little dog with a huge heart.  He’ll kiss a complete stranger, won’t stop jumping on you unless you acknowledge him and he barks at every person that passes by our house.  He’s a protective big eared pup (as I like to call him).  And he’s a great big brother to George.  Buying a second dog was the best decision we ever made for Oskar.  They are the best of friends.

Oskar meeting George for the first time.

We’ve been waiting nearly two years now to make Oskar a brother (to our baby, not just to George). And as the years keep passing, I get worried, because I want our baby to remember Oskar the way that I remember my first dog, Eric.  Because I was an only child, Eric was my “bubba” and my best friend. He never left my side.  I want that bond for our baby and for Oskar and George.

I can’t wait to see Oskar become the overprotective worried little dog when his brother or sister is crying.  I can’t wait to watch Oskar protect them (literally) as they try and master the stairs.  We’ve seen Oskar do this with Gavin, my friend Sarah’s son and it was truly amazing to watch.  Oskar knew what he was doing and repeatedly stepped behind Gavin as he crawled up the stairs so that if Gavin fell Oskar was there to “catch” him.  And I can’t wait for all the kisses, cuddles and playtimes in between.  I know Oskar is going to make the best big brother. We just have to work on the barking!

Happy Birthday my sweet boy!  We love you more than words can express.

P.S. George has not been forgotten. His birthday is August 20th and I'll write a tribute to him on his birthday.

Mother's Day

Over the years, I have celebrated and cherished both the announcement and arrival of my friend’s babies and up until last year, that excitement came naturally.  Now it comes with a little sting, a reminder when I don’t need one, that once again we aren’t pregnant.  If you come to me with the wonderful news that you are expecting your own blessing, don’t think for a second that I’m not thrilled beyond belief for you, but just know it will be a painful reminder of what I can’t have.  Mother’s Day, a day when mother’s everywhere are celebrated, has now become a dreaded day for me, for that same reason.

On Mother’s Day this year, I woke up to my sweet husband cooking me the most delicious breakfast-Stuffed Brioche French Toast. And let me tell you, it was amazing.

I also woke up to a present on my door step from the most thoughtful friend a girl could have.  My friend and lucky for me, next door neighbor Jenni, dropped off a book that brought her encouragement over the years and a sweet card saying she was thinking of me and praying extra prayers for me to find comfort and hope on this day.  Jenni knows more than anyone I know, the pain that Mother’s Day can bring to those of us suffering through infertility, so for her to think of little ol’ me on Mother’s Day was incredibly touching.

After breakfast, Kris and I went on a run.  Because his legs are longer (that’s my excuse anyway!) he runs further than I do and I always get home first.  This time he came home after me with a special present-a bird’s egg that fell from a nest.  I haven’t been able to share our potential good news with you all just yet, but I see it as a sign; an omen of good things to come.  Kris brought home an egg that fell from a bird’s nest in our front yard on Mother’s Day.  Here we are 10 days later and I can’t seem to toss it.  I’m sure soon it will begin to rot, but I don’t want to let go of it until we receive our good news.  So until then, I’m holding on to my sign.

We also celebrated our adored furry babies, because after all, I am their Mom.  They have brought so much light and love to our lives over the years that we love them like they are our children.

Here are a couple of photos Kris took with my extra special present he surprised me with a couple of days before Mother’s Day.  A portrait lens to take photos of our babies one day!

My first born.

He's the lover of the family. Always kissing!

The baby of the family and boy does he know it!

And of course, we celebrated the wonderful mother that my mom has been to me all these years.  She’s not only my mom, but my best friend.  We celebrated her by taking her to a steakhouse in Pearland, called Killen’s.  Don’t let the fact that this steakhouse resides in Pearland steer you from going here.  It quickly became one of our all time favorite steaks (and we’ve been lucky enough to have some good ones).  Don’t forget to try the crab cakes and bread pudding either. You won’t be disappointed!  The four of us had a memorable dinner filled with wonderful conversation.  I hope my mom enjoyed her Mother’s day as much as I enjoyed the day. I know I haven’t been blessed to be honored on this day just yet, but the dreaded emotions I had going in to this day, quickly went away by the thoughtfulness of those around me.



Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful mom who blessed me with such a beautiful life.

Just another girl with a garden.

Along with photography (blog to come soon), cooking, and working out, I have decided that I want to dabble in gardening.  Kris and I have wanted to venture into the widespread world of gardening for awhile, but kept putting it off because; it is a lot of work.  This weekend we decided to start with a potted herb garden, see how I do and grow from there! 

Our lil' garden in the corner



Jalapeno and Rosemary



Cilantro, Basil and Tabasco Peppers



And of course I couldn't spruce up our patio with JUST a garden, so... One little garden project turned into a bit of a patio makeover.  Our patio quickly went from bland and boring, to warm and inviting; which makes this lover of the outdoors VERY happy! 

 

 

 

Making Changes

I’m sure you are tired of hearing about our infertility woes, because I know I’m sure tired of talking about it.  I do want you to know that although our life is nearly consumed,

we do manage to have fun and enjoy life outside of our infertility.

Lately Kris and I are back on a mission to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  We took a break during our IVF cycles for many reasons, but we are back on track and with a vengeance.  Kris is back in the gym, he and I have laced up our running shoes once again and I’m back to yoga and loving it!

In fact, all four of us are getting back in shape!  Several nights a week, we cook dinner and then take the boys on a walk.  This used to not be enjoyable because they are terrible walkers, but each night they get better and better.  My short and stocky Georgie is even getting a waistline!

Cooking dinner a few nights a week has been good for us in many ways.  It’s relaxing first and foremost.  We put the iPhone in the docking station, turn up the music and cook away!  Kris and I have also enjoyed the teamwork in preparing dinner together (most nights).  Sometimes he works late and I’ll have dinner waiting on him like the good wife that I try to be.  We are actually saving money from not eating out so much, plus we can control what we are putting in our bodies.  But best of all, we are improving our cooking skills (practice makes perfect!) and can make delicious meals for our babies one day.

On Monday of this week, I made Pasta Rustica with Chicken Sausage and Three Cheeses. I thought I would share this recipe with everyone, because I love getting recipes from friends and this one was just too good to keep to myself! I suggest taking it to your next dinner party. It will go over very well - trust me!

Pasta Rustica with Chicken Sausage and Three Cheeses

Ingredients:

• 2 Tbs. olive oil
• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 3/4 lb. chicken or turkey sausage, casings removed

• 1 tsp. dried basil
• 1 tsp. dried oregano
• 1/4 tsp. hot red pepper flakes
• 1 can (28 oz.) tomatoes in puree, tomatoes coarsely chopped and puree reserved

• Salt, to taste
• 1 lb. penne pasta
• 1 1/4 cups ricotta cheese
• 2 cups shredded fontina or mozzarella cheese

Directions:

In a large Dutch oven over medium heat, warm the olive oil. Add the onion and cook until golden, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Add the sausage and cook, breaking it up into bite-size pieces, until no longer pink, about 6 minutes. Stir in the basil, oregano and red pepper flakes. Add the tomatoes and puree and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer, stirring occasionally, until thickened, 10 to 12 minutes. Taste and adjust the seasonings with salt.

Preheat an oven to 350ºF. Lightly oil a baking dish.

Bring a large pot three-fourths full of water to a boil over high heat. Salt the water, add the pasta, stir well and cook until barely al dente (tender but firm to the bite), 10 to 12 minutes. Drain well.

In a large bowl, toss the pasta with the sauce, the ricotta and fontina. Spread in the prepared baking dish and sprinkle with the Parmigiano-Reggiano.

Bake until the cheeses are melted and the tips of the pasta are crusty, about 30 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving. Serve hot.

Serves 6 to 8.

I made the following changes:

• Chicken sausage instead of turkey sausage (remember to remove the casings)
• Kris and I love spicy dishes, so I did red pepper flakes and salt to taste.
• I skipped the ricotta cheese altogether and did 2 cups of skim mozzarella and 1 cup of fontina.  The fontina gave the dish a smoky flavor, which ended up being a perfect combination.

Hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Wait

My Aunt Starla gave me a book called, Hannah’s Hope and if you know someone going through infertility, miscarriage or adoption loss, I would highly recommend this book to them.  It took me awhile to read Hannah’s Hope because as I was walking through our infertility journey, I was reading about many other women walking in my same shoes, but for many, many more years.  I couldn’t help but imagine myself walking their same journey, so I had to put it down.  I had to stay positive and continue to keep our hope alive.  It was too hard to imagine that their fate could also be mine.  

Hannah’s Hope brought me comfort and taught me ways to cope with my heartache, but most of all, made me feel as if I’m not alone after all.  And now, it’s helping guide me to move forward with faith and hope and to make the right decision as we are faced with the toughest decision of our lives.

Kris and I are in a stage of simply waiting.  Waiting to know which path to take and waiting for it to feel right in our hearts.  Once we are confident we made the right decision, we will move forward, but for now, we wait.  In Hannah’s Hope, there was a poem written by Russell Kelfer and like the author of the book, I fell in love with this poem.  And maybe you will too.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait.”

“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply.

“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future, and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to ‘wait’?

I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,

Or even a ‘no’, to which I can resign.

“And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:

I’m weary of asking: I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”

So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut

And grumbled to God; “So I’m waiting, for what?”

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine

And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

“All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.

You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You’d not learn to trust, just by knowing I’m there.

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me,

When darkness and silence was all you could see.

“You would never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask

For an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’

Yes, your dreams for that loved one o’ernight could come true,

But the loss! if you lost what I’m doing in you.

“So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft’ My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all…is still…wait.”