The Dreaded Home Study

My first adoption book refers to the home study as, “the infamous and anxiety-provoking home study”. 

I couldn’t agree more.

The home study is one of the biggest stresses in the adoption process, second only to waiting for your baby to be born and for the birth family to sign the relinquishment papers. 

For those of you who don’t know what a home study is, I’ll explain.  It is the process by which you get approval from the state you live in to become an adoptive parent.  You cannot adopt without it.

The home study is a two step process. 

Step 1: Interview with your caseworker – This is a 4-6 hour long interview where you are asked questions both as a couple and individually.

Here are the questions Gladney sent us in order to prepare for our home study:

1.  Why have you decided to adopt?

2.  How do you cope with grief and loss, stress and disappointment?

3.  What plans have you made for your child’s future, including child care plans?

4.  What social, educational and career goals do you have for your prospective adopted child?

5.  What traits do you imagine your child to have (physical, personality, talents/abilities, etc.)? 

6.  What qualities do you have which you feel would make you a good parent?

7.  If married, in your opinion what do you feel you have as a couple to offer a child?

8.  Identify the losses you feel associated with your decision to adopt and those you imagine you may feel as an adoptive parent.

9.  What are the losses you think a birth parent or birth grandparent experience?

10.  Does your extended family support your plans to adopt?

11.  Think about the losses your future child will experience as an adoptee.  As his/her parents how will you help your child adjust?

12.  Why do you think it would be important for birth parents to have some openness in the adoption process and to receive pictures and letters from you post adoption?  How will the child benefit?  How can you as the adoptive parent benefit?

We were also told by fellow adoptive parents that we will be asked the following questions:

1.  Describe how you met and fell in love.

2.  How do you deal with conflict?

3.  How do you deal with finances and work?

4.  What do you think your parenting style will be?

5.  Describe the strengths and weaknesses of your spouse.

6.  How would you change/improve your marriage?

7.  How would you describe your sex life?

8.  What is your childhood best and worst memory?

9.  Describe your relationship with both your parents and siblings.

All questions are thought-provoking questions that I think should be answered, but some are certainly intrusive (namely the question about our sex life).  A lot of these questions, Kris and I knew the answers to immediately because they are things that we have thought about for some time now, but questions centered around our parenting style and how we will discipline, are questions we had to sit back and contemplate.  We are taking a parenting class at church right now and coincidentally, our first class was yesterday.  That single class helped form our opinion on the type of parents we will strive to be and from there, we deciphered our parenting and discipline style.

Step 2: Home Inspection

This is exactly what it sounds like.  For us, a local Houston caseworker from Gladney will come to our home and she will be looking for the following:

1.  Smoke detectors

2.  Fire extinguishers

3.  An emergency fire ladder

4.  Baby-proofing paraphernalia – we don’t have to use them quite yet, but they want to see we are making a commitment to safety.

5.  All hazardous chemicals and cleaning supplies removed from floor-level cabinets

6.  All windows and doors open and close properly

7.  A start to the nursery – this can be as simple as cleaning out the room.  The nursery doesn’t have to be finished.

8.  A clean and tidy household

Are you stressed just looking at our to-do list?

Although this may be a stressful process, I get why we need to prove our merit and worth to become parents.  To the birth family, it is extremely reassuring to know that the home in which they place their child is a loving family who will do anything and everything to give this child a stable environment in which they can thrive.  And that’s exactly who Kris and I are and what we desire.  

You may be wondering why all this talk about a home study now.  Well, the interview portion of our home study is tomorrow!  We will drive to Fort Worth tonight and tomorrow at 9:30am we begin the intense grueling question and answer session.  Say a prayer for us please.  Last week, I was extremely emotional and nervous (poor Kris).  I wish I knew why, but all I know is, I woke up on Saturday feeling like a new person.  The emotions were gone and so were my nerves.  I feel good about this now and feel very prepared for any questions she may throw our way.  We have nothing to hide and over the years (8 1/2 now!) we have created a wonderful life for ourselves that we just can’t wait to share with our children.