Round 2

 I started injections on Monday! 

Four shots a day is my new regimen and I couldn’t be more excited about it!  I’m also doing acupuncture twice a week to increase blood flow to my uterus and make my body more responsive to the medications.  I believe in acupuncture, (and the power of prayer), because this time I had 9 follicles at my baseline ultrasound-2 more than last week and 2 more than the previous cycle.  This cycle just feels different; it feels right.  I’m beginning this IVF cycle with 2 more follicles than previously, I’m actively doing acupuncture and I’m on nearly double the dosage of medication than I was before. 

Kris and I are increasingly positive about IVF cycle number 2, but we are also guarding our hearts, because we learned from the last cycle that really anything can happen when you least expect it.  On the other hand, lately I’ve felt this unexplainable peace inside and I no longer worry about the future.  What I do know is, I have an amazing man to share my life with and one day we will bring a baby into our world.  We just have too much love to give.

Thank you all for your constant support and daily prayers.  It means the world to us to have so many loved ones rooting for our dream to come true.  Thank you also for your listening ear and kind words of encouragement.  We love you all dearly!

Moving Forward, but NOT Moving On

The longer our fertility journey goes on, the more I realize I need to move forward with my life.  This past year has solely been about mine and Kris’ fertility.  I’ve devoted myself to research, doctor’s appointments and changing every aspect of my life that I can to help improve our success.  Now, I’m not moving on from those goals, I’m just moving forward and devoting myself to something else I hold near and dear to my heart…animals.  Volunteering at an animal shelter has been something I have wanted to do ever since I left my job.  Month after month, I continued putting it off because in my mind, I would be pregnant very soon and because of the many diseases these rescue dogs sadly have; it’s not a place for a pregnant woman.   I’ve now put my selfishness aside for a greater cause.  I want to give these poor innocent animals a chance at life and I know one person can make a difference.  Starting in January, I will be volunteering 3 days a week at 2 animal rescue organizations.

Corridor Rescue Inc.

http://www.corridorrescue.org/

There is a place on the Northeast side of town, entirely too close to home for comfort, off 59 and Little York named the Corridor of Cruelty and Neglect.  A place so inhumane it’s nauseating.  This area of town is the dividing line between the county and city Animal Controls, so no one is coming to rescue or relieve these poor innocent animals from their pain and suffering.  They are sent to a life of wandering around aimlessly, starving, disease ridden and often times abused.  Many of the people in this area throw away these animals as if they are garbage and think nothing more of it.  It is the mission of this organization and now mine, to save lives and correct this injustice to hundreds of physically and emotionally damaged animals.

For the Corridor Rescue Inc., I will be both a feed station volunteer and a dog visitor.  As a feed station volunteer, I will go out to 59 and Little York (with someone else for safety) and give these animals food and water.  The organization has feed stations for two miles throughout this corridor and the dogs we find are fed daily.  It will be my duty to document the dogs we encounter that day and email the other volunteers.  That volunteer’s job is to then find the funds needed to rescue the animals and then find the appropriate animal shelter, vet clinic or foster home.  I know it may sound like a long process, but because of Facebook and other online resources, we can reach a vast amount of people quickly and bring these doggies home.  

My second volunteer job with CRI will be a dog visitor.  Once the dogs are rescued, some will be placed in Abbott’s Animal Clinic, where I will visit and show them what it is like to be loved and cared for the first time in their lives.  Because I am a feed station volunteer and a dog visitor, I will be able to watch these dogs transform into pets ready for their forever homes.  I chose this job, because I believe in this process, I believe we can rescue a dog, sad, scared and abused and give him/her a chance at a real life. I’ve watched many success stories from this organization over the past year and it’s amazing to see the transformations.  Dogs quickly losing their fight to stay alive are rescued just in time and through medicine, training and lots of nurturing, they become happy, fun loving pets with a new life and a new family.

Volunteers for Animal Protection-VAP

www.VAPadoptions.org

VAP is a similar organization to CRI, where they rescue, rehabilitate and then place these dogs and cats in their forever homes.  For VAP, I will be a dog visitor as well and provide food, water and love to the animals until they are adopted.

I’m looking forward to moving forward and having a new focus in my life.  Our fertility will always be my number one focus until we bring a baby into this world, but I need more meaning in my life right now.  I have the time and resources to make a difference and I need to make a difference.

Two Negatives Make a Positive

The words “severe male, low ovarian reserve” are five words I can’t seem to get out of my head.  We saw Dr. Dunn on Wednesday to go over what went wrong and to discuss our new plan of attack.  Once we sat down in his office, he showed us his computer screen with the results of my blood work and ultrasounds over the past couple of weeks.  At the top of the screen was his diagnosis and it read those five simple words that I can’t move on from, “severe male, low ovarian reserve”.  How do two negative words like “severe” and “low” somehow turn into something positive?  By praying for a miracle, that’s how. 

Since the new discovery of my low ovarian reserve, we have decided to be as aggressive as possible for the second round.  I will be on the same medications as before, just on the highest dosage possible.  My dosage will be increased by 50% and we have no idea how it will affect me or if it will even work, but it is a risk Kris and I are willing to take.  Our new plan is to start birth control right after I start my period and two weeks from that point go in for an ultrasound.  This ultrasound is my baseline ultrasound and it will tell Dr. Dunn how many follicles I have to start with before any medication is introduced into my system.  If I have less than 8 follicles to begin with, then I will be on birth control for one more week, followed by another ultrasound.  If at that point I have 8 or more follicles, we will move on with the injections.  However, if again I have less than 8 follicles, the cycle will be cancelled before I start the injections and we will repeat the same cycle until we get the results we are hoping for.  At my baseline ultrasound a month ago, I started the cycle with 7 follicles, so in my mind, 8 follicles will be an easy goal to achieve.  Dr. Dunn joked about praying over my ovaries, but we may just do that!  For now, Kris and I have to continually strive to believe that our two negative diagnoses’s can give us a positive pregnancy test.  Two negatives make a positive, right?

Never Lose Hope

After 17 injections, 10 blood tests, 6 ultrasounds and 1 acupuncture appointment (20 more needles); our IVF cycle has been cancelled.  Much to our dismay, my body was not responding like it should for my age to the medication.  At this point in the cycle, I should have had 5 “good” follicles, yet I only had 3 follicles total and only 1 “good” one.  My estrogen levels were rising just as they should have, but I wasn’t producing the follicles I needed to.  It could have just been a bad cycle for me, but we won’t know for certain until we try round 2.  One of Dr. Dunn’s nurses said the first round of IVF is really just an experiment; it’s a trial and error game of not knowing how your body will respond to the medication prescribed.  The good news is Dr. Dunn is creating a new plan of attack with all new medications.  My body knows what to do now, so with any hope, our second round will be easier.  We see Dr. Dunn again in two weeks and we will have a more definite plan and timeline.  However, with the holidays and our family trip to Tahoe fast approaching, we may not be able to move forward until after the New Year.

Kris and I are really saddened and disappointed by this news.  We had prepared ourselves for an unsuccessful round of IVF, but we weren’t prepared to not even be given the opportunity to complete one full round.  It’s difficult to not get discouraged by the new developments, while knowing we already had such a hard fight ahead of us, but we won’t give up and we won’t lose hope.  As we go further and further down this path, I realize my blog title “Road to Hope” is very appropriately labeled.  As strongly as Kris and I believe we have faith and hope at that moment, it can so quickly be taken away from us with one test, one phone call.  Our “road to hope” will be a constant struggle, a constant fight, but we will never give up on our dream and never lose hope. 

"Hope is something very abstract. It can't be quantified, and, at times, it can't be explained.
But it's important. Never lose hope in the world. Never lose hope in humanity. Never lose hope in your loved ones. Never lose hope in yourself. Never lose hope that things will get better.
As long as there is life, there is hope. And where there's hope, there is life.
Hope gives us strength. Hope gives us something to look forward to, something to hold on to. As long as you have hope in your heart, anything is possible.
Hope is essential to a happy and fulfilling life. Never lose hope."

Emotional Rollercoaster

Locked out of the house, crying on the step of my back porch was not where I thought I would find myself yesterday, but that’s exactly where life took me.

I had my third ultrasound and blood work appointment Monday and we received concerning news.  I have only developed two follicles and my estrogen is low.  Dr. Dunn said if my estrogen was in the 250 range that we would have to cancel our cycle because all of my estrogen is stemming from one follicle and that simply isn’t enough.  He mentioned very little about continuing the cycle, only about what would happen if we have to cancel.  So I left the appointment alone, feeling very sad and defeated.  I suddenly had all the feelings of guilt Kris experienced with his low sperm count.  All along I thought with IVF we could “bypass” my endometriosis and I could give my husband the baby we always dreamt of.  Then out of the blue, we find out my ovarian reserve is lower than what Dr. Dunn envisioned, making our journey all the more difficult.

I waited on pins and needles all day for my blood results to come in.  This would tell me whether or not our cycle will be cancelled.  Then comes 3 o’clock and the phone rings.  Its Dr. Dunn’s nurse to tell me to continue my meds as I have been and to begin a new medication tomorrow.  Whew!  What a huge sigh of relief!  My estrogen level was 566, over three times higher than it was on Friday!  This potentially means I have more follicles yet to develop and I’m just a late bloomer.  We later spoke with Dr. Dunn and while he said my higher estrogen levels brought him comfort, we are still not out of the woods.  If he doesn’t see more follicles on Wednesday, our cycle may still be cancelled.

I know we have perfect strangers rooting for us and praying for us weekly as well as all of our family and friends.  We are so blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives.  We ask that you pray for comfort and strength for Kris and I to get through this period no matter the outcome and come out the other end both stronger individually and as a couple.  Please pray for my body to develop more follicles and for continued good news throughout this process.  Thank you all for your praises, your daily thoughts and for checking in on us.  We love you all!

My Box o' Fun



Looks like fun, huh?

My box o' fun as I like to call it arrived in a cooler on Friday.  The three bags of needles and the sharps collector immediately made me nervous, but after our appointment yesterday I feel more at ease.  Starting tonight, Kris will give me two injections at the same time every night for two weeks.  I can tell you with complete honesty that I'm looking forward to officially beginning the IVF process.  There's no turning back now!  Wish us luck! 

A New Kind of Normal

First of all, I would like to apologize to all for going on a brief hiatus.  The month of October is a blur for Kris and I with so many trips, doctors’ appointments, procedures and fun events in between to keep us smiling.  Our life prior to IVF has always been in constant motion with us enjoying life together in various ways and always staying active.  We have decided that over the next month or so, life needs to slow down and we need to focus on one another and our beautiful baby that we WILL soon bring into this world.  This means staying home (more often); a term somewhat foreign to us.  Kris and I both want to put our heart and soul into IVF and make sure that we do everything in our power to get pregnant the first round.  If we don’t get pregnant, our hearts will be broken, but we will find comfort knowing we aren’t in control and it wasn’t God’s will at the time.

Over the last month we have been poked and prodded in search for answers to the cause of our infertility.  After all our testing and procedures, we know two things for certain; I have endometriosis and Kris has low testosterone.  Kris is now on Clomid to help his body produce more testosterone and hopefully increase his sperm quality and quantity.  He will be on Clomid for the rest of our childbearing years and then on some form of testosterone for the rest of his life.  Kris’ low testosterone could be the sole culprit inhibiting his ability to produce sperm, but there could be something more.  We may never know.  According to Dr. Khera, we fall into the bracket of 30% of couples going through infertility that never get real answers.  But, that’s okay.  We know enough to comfortably move forward with IVF and we are willing and ready!

After completing my procedure and blood test yesterday, we have the okay to start the injections on Tuesday.  Starting next week, Kris will be giving me shots twice a day (scary, I know!) and I will be going to the doctor every couple of days to every other day for blood work and an ultrasound.  Dr. Dunn will carefully be monitoring my body and how it responds to the medications. He will be making adjustments as needed with my medicine and as soon as my eggs are mature he will schedule the egg retrieval.  Right now, we are estimating that day to be November 22^nd.  Gloria, Dr. Dunn’s nurse, who I have been in close contact with, says it could be a day or two earlier or later, but it looks like things are happening the week of Thanksgiving!  On the day of the egg retrieval, both Kris and I will be under anesthesia.  Before I go in for my egg retrieval, Kris will have a testicular biopsy done, where they will remove his sperm.  Since we will both be loopy that day from anesthesia, my gracious parents with be taking care of us.  Then, for 3-5 days after our egg retrieval, Baby Simpson will be a developing embryo and as soon as he/she has fertilized we will go in for the embryo transfer. This day is tentatively scheduled for November 27^th.  It blows our mind, that in a mere three weeks we could be PREGNANT!  In the coming weeks, I may feel awful, my body may do unrecognizable things, but we are so excited for this opportunity and the chance to be pregnant very soon. And just so you know, if I do get pregnant this round, our precious baby will be due mid-late August 2011!

As for our new kind of normal…For the month of November, I have traded in hot yoga for the elliptical, wine for water, and activities for relaxation.  Kris and I will both be religiously taking our vitamins and medications while paying close attention to our bodies.  We will do our very best to remove stress from our lives and stay as relaxed as possible.  This month will be a trying month both physically and emotionally, but we are prepared and very excited to move forward.  This year, I’m thankful for the answers we have received, for the amazing doctors we have behind us and for the opportunity to do IVF.  On Thanksgiving, we will be celebrating Kris’ 28^th birthday and the normal development of our embryos and soon to be Baby Simpson.  I couldn’t imagine a more special Thanksgiving.